Again

I am drowning......I dun feel like working.....I hate coming to work simply I am like a puppet. Many thaings are not within my control. I do not have the perimeter to play hence, no satisfaction at all.

I cannot command and control, thus I regert myself as an ordinary working even I am a Manager. I have since lost my pride and confident.

I need something quick to spice up my life. Lord Buddha please help me.

Shift

I am not as happy as I was. I used to wake up early in the morning and will start to crack jokes to start the day. But now, I wake up in the morning full of stress to start the day.


I used to enjoy my way to work. in my little car, I will sing songs play out from the radio, but now, I laid quiet. The mood is rather different, I can feel the different.


Should a higher pay package comes with tons of stress. Sorry loh, I dun believe. The problem here is, have alot of stakeholders, direct supervisors and bosses in this company. Everyone can ask me to do things and carry out tasks. Very soon my stress will become depression if I cannot handle it well.


In my 18 years of career, this is the first time I feel demotralised and disappointed. I have no one to talk to because, I felt useless by talking to anyone. I have kept my fath with lord Buddha. I did not broke any rules of engagement, religiously. So whats is in stall for me?

I questioned lord Buddha, but he has not answer my prayer. When will that be? Only lord Buddha knows.


I am sad. But I need strenght to walk through everyday. Where else can I get the energy to continue on this path.

If I can turn back the clock. I wouldn't have choosen this pathway. Do I stand a chance? Haiz....In the first place, do I have a choice? Please lord Buddha, answer my prayers.

I notice that i have stop blogging for quite sometime. Looking at the last entry date, its like almost a year liao.

Since then, I have changed my job. Did something which I had never thought off. But its still the same old me. My new job requires me to work 5 days. Hence, I have Saturday to spare with my riding activities.

Now, I ride on Wednesday (Coastal), Saturday (LH-East Coast) and Sunday (Coastal). No doubt, I have stop my swimming lesson, but i still enjoying swimming. It had since become my strongest discipline. Now the worst and most fearful discipline is running.

I have stop running for the pass 2 months. Now is time to pick it up, if not, i will be asking for trouble.

As for family, everything is status hold. But I am planning to have a kid so that when I kick the bucket, my dear wife will not be alone to face the ordeal. Cross my finger!!